What to Do When You Run Into an Ex Hookup

Regardless if the split was amicable or a huge heart-wrenching disaster, crossing paths with an ex hookup is never easy.
When you run into an ex hookup, your objective is to be as gracious, but brief as possible. And since not all encounters with the ex are created equal, we have identified a few scenarios to help you prepare for that potentially awkward moment.

•  When You’re the One Who Got Dumped

In the unfortunate event that you bump into the guy who gutted you emotionally, the first thing you should do is put on a brave face and keep your composure. This means no screaming, blaming, or even crying these shameless shenanigans are best save for your friends.  And you definitely wouldn’t want to confirm that it was a smart move on his part to ditch you. So no matter how poorly you’ve been coping with the split, when he asks how you’ve been, just flash your most charming smile and say, “Great!” Then carry on.

•  When You’re the One Who Dumped Him

Men behave differently from women when they’ve been hurt. While it might be within your emotional capacity to treat the asshole that ran your heart through the shredder in a warm manner, when you’re the asshole, don’t expect the same treatment. Make sure you’re prepared in the likely event that he gives you the cold shoulder, and make it a point not to dwell on it. Likewise, hold back on being too nice or overly concerned. This is a sign that means you want to lessen your guilt, and might even lead him on.

•  When You’re Still Tempted

Here’s a scenario where you kind of secretly hope he’d run into you: You’re out with your friends, looking gorgeous and feeling fantastic. You’ve downed a few and suddenly… you’re missing him. Hold it, take a deep breath, and think of all the reasons why you are not meant to hookup with him. Then, remind yourself of how tough it is to reach this good place you’re currently in. Don’t even think of wasting that kind of confidence and energy on him, but instead, channel them towards that hotter guy at the bar.

Quit Obsessing Over Your Ex Hookup

You can ask any girl: It’s pretty damn almost impossible to just quit a guy cold turkey when things don’t work out. But if you handle that post-split period the right way, you can actually get over the guy faster, move on sooner, and cut back on the gallons of Ben and Jerry’s you’ll stuff your face with.
Regardless of what caused the end of the hookup, a split leaves women with a huge desire to fill in that void left behind.  So what’s the easiest way to fill this void? Let me give you a hint: It starts with E and ends with X. But like we said, there are ways to avoid getting ensnared to this trap and move on with your life. Here are a few tips that will make it easy for you to get back on track, and find someone else who is way better than your ex hookup.

•  Follow the 30-minute rule

You might be thinking that the reason you want to know if he’s free one Friday evening is because you really miss him and would like to catch up, but it’s very likely you’re just 1) lonely; or b) bored, and are going for him because he used to be your partner on date night. If you step on the breaks and analyze this “pull,” you can tell the difference between genuine desire from temporary, emotionally charged desire. The best way to do this is to use the 30-minute rule: When the urge to contact him hits you, do something to shift your focus. It may sound too simple, but odds are you’ll be less inclined to contact him after half an hour of focusing your attention to something else. You’ll soon find out that the urge is only fleeting.

•  Identify what sets you off

A lot of women have certain triggers things that set them off and make them start thinking about him. Give yourself a few minutes to think back and recognize the things that cause you to feel terrible over the split, and then take action. This might mean you have to block his Facebook posts for a while, or temporarily keeping stuff that reminds you of him deep in your closet. When you’re fresh out of a breakup, you’re still pretty vulnerable to that emotional tug, so getting rid of all the reminders can be of huge help in getting over that initial hump.

•  Make a list

Think of the top three reasons why you’re better off without him. It’s very tempting to view your relationship in an idealistic perspective, but it’s crucial to realistically think about why you’re better off without him. Once you see the bigger picture, you will be able to quell those urges to stick to a guy that’s not right for you just because it makes you feel comfortable, and prevent them from coming back.

How Guys Get Over a Split from a Woman They’re Adult Dating

The reason why we think guys are immune to a post-relationship slump? They are really, really good at hiding it.

When Seal started to make the rounds in talk shows, almost everyone seemed to be surprised at how calm and collected he looked after his split from Heidi Klum. He even told talk show host Ellen DeGeneres that he’s keeping his wedding ring on because he likes to feel “connected” with his ex.

But surely, what he says in public is entirely different from how he feels in private. Even if guys play it cool after a break up, that happens to them after the split depends on who broke up with whom.

If he was the one who did, he was probably sad for a split second before he started daydreaming about the new girls he’s to go adult dating with. However, if he was the one run over by the dump truck, his post-split behavior would be far different. Yes, psycho dudes do psychotic things, but normal dudes like Seal, who are saddened by the end of a beautiful adult dating relationship, throw their attention to fighting that depressing feeling. Read on for a guy’s take on what Seal is probably going through.

Holding Back Tears

Some guys claim they never cry. But the truth is we never let anyone see us crying. I was madly in love with Janice then. Our song was “Crazy in Love” because that was how we were back when we were adult dating. And after she broke up with me, I was telling our story to a friend at a bar when I had to grit my teeth and excuse myself. When I got home, I pulled the curtains shut and blasted heavy metal songs. And then I cried. It felt good, only because I knew that no one saw me.

Fighting Inanimate Objects

Guys usually work through the pain of a broken heart by substituting it with a much bearable pain of bloody knuckles. I once had a roommate who, after being dumped by his Leighton Meester look-alike girlfriend, constantly wailed on a punching bag installed in our apartment. I have the soft hands of a writer, so I spent the greater part of my recovery from one nasty breakup by living inside the game “Grand Theft Auto IV” for a couple of weeks. I crashed cars and shot anyone who looked at me funny. It may be odd, but it helped me vent out chaotic emotions that I had no idea how to process any other way.

Can an Adult Dating Relationship Work the Second Time Around?

If an adult dating relationship ends, it’s apparent that there were issues, and it’s quite hard to imagine things going more smoothly the second time. This rings especially true if it’s a bad breakup. Shouldn’t two people learn from the experience and just move on?
According to experts, this is not necessary. Yes, there may have been problems, but a serious timeout can make the couple’s adult dating relationship stronger in the long run if those problems are addressed and resolved. With that being said, there are certain rules that can help increase your odds of success in the second round.

•  Go Slow

It’s tough to slam on the breaks when you’re trying to make up for lost time, while enjoying the familiarity of being together. But whether you admit it or not, you’ve both changed, and you need to take time to get reacquainted.
Relationship therapists say you should try to look at it as a brand new relationship. While you can’t wait to quickly move forward to cozy weekend mornings in bed, it is crucial to stop and take a moment to think about why you want to be back together just like you would do when you’re adult dating any guy.
Try to be honest with yourself: If the idea of going to a party alone terrifies you, then you’re most likely just looking for a quick fix for your loneliness, and not your ex. Sooner or later, you’ll be having that conversation where you’ll be telling him, “We need to talk.” But if you can imagine yourself with him backpacking across South America next summer and him feeling the same way, you’re heart is probably in the right place.

•  Touch on the Past

You broke up for a reason. And if you and your ex are planning on getting back together, you need to face the things that went wrong the first time if you want to move forward. And then let it all go, once and for all.
Try working on the details of what you want to do differently the second time in such a way that isn’t the least bit threatening. Be positive in your statements and say things like “It would make me happy if…” with him doing the same, and then really put them in action. Pick your battles when it comes to your past issues or you’ll pick up where you left off.

•  And Then Move Forward

One favorable aspect of breaking up once is it probably made you stronger. After splitting up with someone, we learn how to live our own lives without them. This makes you gain a new perspective that makes you better this time around.

Taming a Flirty Friend Who Wants to Hook Up with Your Man

Trish is one of my closest friends, and my hook up dating partner in crime when we were both still single. I’ve seen her charm her way to men’s hearts with an easy laugh or a fixed gaze, which eventually led me to learn how to read her body language. Her moves landed her a boyfriend in college, a few flings, and her hubby John. All of this didn’t matter to me, until she started using them on my husband, Seth.

Trish never flirted with Seth, until we started going out on double dates. She’s been asking him too many questions about his vintage guitar collection and laughing a little too hard at his jokes all of this being done while flashing that familiar flirty smile. John and I are left to engage in small talk, pretending not to hear their conversation.

I didn’t give my husband a heads up of Trish’s antics right away, since I trust him and didn’t want to sound bitchy and insecure. But after a few more double dates, I finally asked what he thought of Trish’s flirting. He answered with the typical guy response: “Really? I’ve never noticed.” You’ve got to be kidding me.

There’s another weird aspect of this whole situation: Seth acts salacious towards me after going out with Trish. When I mention this to my friend and therapist, Liz Lombardo, PhD, she says I relax. Even if Seth doesn’t notice Trish’s actions, they still boost his ego, and this primes him for great hook up with me, which she says I should take advantage of.

It’s pretty good advice, but I can’t promise to deal with it sensibly.

I’ve been told by an expert that it takes guys four times longer to pick up on subtle social signs than it does for women, which is most likely the reason why Seth is unaware of Trish’s flirting. And since Trish and I have never had to compete for guys, her flirting is done subconsciously, because it’s a way for her to feel attractive and alive. I’ve been advised to direct Trish’s thoughts on a different direction. I have to call attention to the fact that Seth and I are a “we,” saying something like, “Seth and I had a great time in New York. When are you guys going on a trip?”

So should I confront Trish? She would have stepped over the line if she suggests that she and Seth do something on their own. A confrontation should be done if I start to see the situation in a distorted way, like Seth falling in love with Trish or that Trish is doing this just to spite me, which only means my happiness is seriously at stake. If this is the case, I’ve been told to make a lighthearted comment like, “Wow, you really laugh a little too hard at Seth’s jokes.” Trish should take the hint and ease off. And if not, this may be a sign that she doesn’t have innocent intentions and clearly wants to hook up with my husband.

Silly Things Women Do When They Hookup with Guys

We all make sacrifices for love, and even women do it when they hookup with guys. So which of you girls are guilty of doing any of these?

•  Getting a Brazilian Wax

So which part of using-hot-wax-to-tear-out-all-those-little-hairs-out-of-the-vajayjay sounds like a terrific idea? Going through a painful session of a Brazilian wax treatment is nothing short of cruel and unusual punishment, yet a lot of women voluntarily subject themselves to this kind of torture when they hookup with guys because then know how men love the bare look.

•  Running Water When You Pee

It is just embarrassing, but girls turn the faucet on because, heaven forbid, their men hear their streams hit the toilet bowl water. I know it totally makes no sense to try and pretend girls don’t do all the normal things guys do in the bathroom, but they cover their tracks anyway.

•  Killing Yourself in Spin Class

Yes, we all know that endorphin-pumping exercise rocks, but honestly, if the world was made up of purely women, would a 60-minute, 500-calorie, sweat-and-pain-fest exist? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

•  Wearing Five-Inch Heels

Admittedly, girls love to strut their stuff in sexy sky-high heels. But after walking around in them for a couple of hours, those stilettos can betray them big time. Yes, it’s easy to change into those ingenious fold-up ballet flats tucked in your clutch, but then he might discover that your legs don’t go on forever.

•  Buying Gifts for His Relatives

Your man may forget his mom’s birthday, but of course you don’t, which makes you responsible for making sure she gets a present. Have you even heard a guy complain of much Christmas shopping he has to do? I thought so. Women take charge of gift shopping because they just can’t trust that their guys can get it done.

•  Spending a Night at His Place, in the Middle of Nowhere,  on a Weekday

When girls hookup with guys overnight, he only other thing that’s worse than getting ready for work is having to stuff just the bare essentials in an overnight bag. You don’t have your favorite hairdryer, no variety of outfits to choose from, and no shoe versus boot choices. Boo.

•  Faking It

It’s terribly wrong, but whether you needed more foreplay or just weren’t in the mood, women often fake orgasms. They usually fake it than risk hurting their man’s feelings or cause awkwardness. Yes, girls should be getting off, but when they can’t, they sometimes try to indulge their inner drama queens and put on a nice performance.